Organization OOC
by Formerly Chilltown
Summary: Let's just say they're not feeling themselves today...
1. Stereotypes

**A/N:** I noticed that all the badfics are coming back for the summer, ladies and gentlemen. Yes, all the preposterous AUs, yaois, and whatever other horrible fictional manifestations the KH cast has to go through. They're piling up, so I just wanna parody the fanfics who can't get characterization right.

Hopefully, you can laugh and enjoy. :D

* * *

"Whatcha doin'?" asked Axel, the Organization member.

Roxas didn't answer. Confused by his friend's silence, the redhead tapped on his shoulder, but Roxas didn't turn around.

Axel leaned in a little closer. "Roxas, are you...?"

"A CRACKHEAD?!!?!?!" Roxas's head twisted panoramically, sputtering.

"Help me, it's a crackhead!" Axel got scared and killed Roxas.

Then Axel realized he killed Roxas.

"Nuuu, my boyfrand!!!!"

_Meanwhile, across the street..._

Demyx was chewing bubblegum, pissing off the entire Organization.

"Man, I love chewing bubblegum," said Demyx, minding his own business.

He liked chewing gum until a berserking Saix hated it and killed him.

"I hate gum, and I hate having to do anything silly or fun, and I'm just a big, mean asshole who torments the lesser members with MY RAGE!!!"

Then the Beast and Saix had a raging fight with all their anger and hate.

Marluxia overheard the Luna Diviner while watering his spice garden and suddenly got a monster erection, seeing how Marluxia is totally a flaming homosexual.

"Oh my, I seem to be gay for you, Saix. _Super_ gay."

"..." The Beast left after Marluxia started straddling Saix's leg.

_Meanwhile, across the street again..._

"Hey DUDES!!" Xigbar squirted a water gun in the air while wearing a loincloth, swinging on a vine. "Totally freakin' awesome!"

"Stop that, Bigrax!" barked Larxene. "I'm just an uppity bitch, who only wants Axel to screw her really hard!"

Everyone became silent, and Xigbar stopped swinging around. Larxene was given many thumbs-ups from her colleagues.

"Wow Larxy-harxy-parxy-darksy-sharxy-Ansem-blarxy!" said Axel. "I had no idea you felt that way about me."

"Don't call me that, Axy-waxy!"

"You bitch!" screamed Axel, lunging across a table to strangle the Nymph. "I love you."

They started making superlove, but Axel remembered the promise he made to Roxas on the night of the meteor shower.

"_I'll never sleep with Larxene, I promise!_"

_Meanwhile, across the other street..._

Xaldin and Lexaeus sat quietly, acting like proper gentlemen.

"Would any of you like to assist me in my newest experiment?" asked Vexen. "It's surely to fail and cause some crazy disaster, like always!"

Vexen laughed sheepishly, and when no one responded, he stomped away all pissed off.

"We are a couple of boring Nobodies, wouldn't you say?" suggested Xaldin.

Lexaeus nodded.

_Meanwhile, let's go back across the street..._

Xemnas was holding a God-awful meeting about boring things that he would like to see done in the next five years.

"...and I am dreadfully uninteresting," he concluded.

Saix clapped and whistled in support of the Superior.

"Ha ha, there's Xemmy's lil' boyfriend for ya!" laughed Xigbar.

This was an eyebrow-raising statement for Xemnas. Deciding to retain his villainous character, he left the fanfic before-

_Meanwhile, across the street..._

Luxord seemed to be the only one aware of the Organization's more-than-strange behavior, and that bothered him. Everyone else seemed to be crazy, so with the odds against him, he would prefer to be insane with the others.

"It's as if..." Luxord, a man of rhetoric, couldn't find the words to describe it. "As if everyone were _somebody else._ Not that we can be anybody at all, mind you."

Zexion sat at Luxord's poker table, sobbing and sniveling. This also confused the Gambler of Fate, as he knew the Schemer normally wouldn't fabricate emotions or angst. He was usually an easygoing, intelligent young man, and that's why Luxord enjoyed his company so much.

"Even you, of all people." Zexion tried slitting his wrist with a poker chip. "I'm going to report to the Superior. By chance he's still got a head on his shoulders."

Luxord walked across the street.

"Across the street?" an incredulous Luxord asked himself. "The castle doesn't _have_ an across the street!"

_Meanwhile, across the street..._

Zexion was still moping around, when a sugar-high Demyx crashed into him.

"Hey Zekkusasu!" Demyx spouted an off-the-wall name.

"Go away, I just want to hate the rest of my not-life as a miserable Nobody all alone..."

"What's a Nobody?" The Melodious Nocturne began to sound more Yuffie-esque with each passing moment.

"You actually understand me? I am in love with you, Demyx."

From a distance, Demyx and Zexion hawked some nasty spit into each other's mouths, forming Zemyx.

He tugged on Zexion's hand. "Come on, let's go mix pixie sticks with cocaine!!"

"Okay!"

**END OF CHAPTER**


	2. I don't even know what to call this one

A/N: Thanks for all the positive feedback, everyone! Even for this atrocity. xD

Some more points are touched on in this chapter, and eventually, Luxord will speak to Xemnas! I can't wait to write that scene. :DDD

* * *

Roxas was the lazy stoner/skateboarder, loitering around Twilight High School. When the coast was clear, he pulled out a Monstro-sized blunt. But then some nerd Axel came around the corner and saw him smoking on it.

"Are you smoking _drugs!?_" squealed Axel. "_Illegal drugs?!!?!_"

"Yeah, I sure am, and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Roxas, I've always loved you!" Axel and Roxas embraced each other behind the school dumpster and didn't let go.

"Are you gonna share that, or what?" asked Chilltown, pointing to the blunt.

Axel and Roxas started having homosexual sexual intercourse on national telev-

Luxord cut off the TV, facepalming. "Something's very wrong here..."

"Are you okay?" asked some unknown guy, looming over the Gambler.

"Who are you?" Luxord responded.

"Oh, you know. I'm Xion."

Luxord began to question his own sanity for a moment. There he was, talking to some _Xion_ fellow while the entire Organization was raving mad!

"Oh, my apologies. I don't believe we've met before."

"How could we NOT?!" Xion was offended. "I'm only like, Number XIV you know!!"

"XIV?"

Luxord _did_ remember hearing something about a fourteenth member, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. There was something wrong with this character too; he was certain of that. Then it hit him:

"Your game hasn't even been released in America yet!" panicked the Gambler of Fate.

Putting her out of her misery, Luxord cut her head off with a card. Xion's decapitated head turned into Sora's decapitated head.

"Now that's just gross."

_Meanwhile, across the street..._

Zexion and Demyx were riding on a giant water hose, spouting water everywhere and giggling. Larxene walked into the room wearing a white shirt and no bra, getting all wet.

No one noticed and Larxene exploded.

"Yay!" yelled Demyx, snorting a line on the hose.

"I hate life," said Zexion monotonously. "Except when I'm with _yeww~!!_"

"Sexy Zexy!"

"Demmy Whimmy!"

Axel, only the motherfucking baddest-ass motherfucker in all of motherfucking _Kingdom motherfucking Hearts_, also in the room with them, killed them in cold blood. Satisfied, he danced on their corpses.

_Meanwhile, in Xemnas's office..._

"Bla blah blah," said Xemnas, fiddling with some paperwork. "Blahblah blah blah blah. Blah blahblah blahblahblah bla blah."

He was busy inducting their fifteenth member, Unisex.

"My element..." said Unisex. "IS YAOI!!!!!"

Xemnas facepalmed. "Blah blah blah..."

_Meanwhile, outside of Xemnas's office..._

Thousands and thousands of OCs waited in line to become Number XV. Luxord found himself at the end of the line, waiting to speak to his superior.

"What are all these people doing out here?" he asked the person in front of him.

She turned around, showing Luxord her crazy multicolored eyes that change with her mood. "Oh, you're another one, huh?"

"Another _what?_"

"You're trying to get into the Organization, right?"

Luxord's face reddened. "I am already _in_ Organization XIII!"

"Who're you, Axel? Got it memorized?! Ho har har, I am so funny," chortled the lame OC.

Luxord pulled up a chair and waited in line to discuss these strange going-ons.

_Meanwhile, somewhere else..._

"Yahahaha!" laughed Vexen's creepy Japanese voice actor. "You're really done it this time, Vexen!"

The Chilly Academic completed his most important experiment yet: the vibrating dildo. He called it "The Vibrator."

"Yes, and when I unleash it upon the Organization, they will all be forced to fuck me!"

Vexen carefully held The Vibrator into the spotlight while he tried playing a harp with the other, for angelic music, but he could not play the harp, so it sounded like-

"Axel and Roxas having sex on national television?!" he shouted and ran over to watch TV, dropping The Vibrator.

_Meanwhile, somewhere in the same building..._

"...and if you don't, I'll fuck each and every last one of you so hard you'll never forget it!!!!" concluded Saix, after screaming at everyone else.

"Then I'm not going to do it," said the overly-flamboyant Marluxia, bending over.

Saix cringed. "...I'm not going _that_ out-of-character."

Marluxia snapped his fingers, cursing. Then he skipped on down to the nail salon where he got a manicure. The he gayly walked to the spa, where he was given a very gay massage because he has gay pink hair.

PINK = GAY GAY GAY!!!!

_Meanwhile, retaining some sanity..._

"And so I said..." Xigbar was telling his buddy Xaldin a story. "DUDE!!!"

"I see," said Xaldin, reading an oversized newspaper and drinking out of an oversized mug.

Lexaeus nodded.

"Well then let's get FUCKED UP!!!" yelled Xigbar, ready to party like the awesome dude he was.

The Freeshooter tugged on a string hanging from the ceiling, releasing tons and tons of alcohol from the roof. Xigbar didn't realize it would flood the entire Castle that Never Was, so he jumped on his surfboard that was as long as Sephiroth's sword.

"Cowabunga, mis amigos!"

Xigbar waved them goodbye as he rode the monstrous alcohol wave through the castle. Lexaeus couldn't swim and drowned. Xaldin _could_ swim but drowned anyway.

_Meanwhile, across the street..._

"I heard there's another fanfic about us on TV," said Axel. "We're gay in it."

"We are?" asked Roxas incredulously.

Axel grabbed the remote, turning on the television. What they saw was a step down from some serious hardcore pr0n. Heavily turned on, Axel took off his pants and revealed an ugly secret of his.

"Your pubes are flames!? It looks like your dick has athlete's foot!!!"

Axel told Roxas it was like how Hades has fire on his head, so he understood.

_Meanwhile, in line..._

Luxord still sat waiting behind hundreds of stupid original characters, but he wasn't last anymore. Hundreds of more OCs piled up behind him...

Until a pissed off, madder-than-hell Saix came raging through, killing all the OCs.

"KINGDOM HEEEEEAAARTFTS!DSDSSDS"

"The moon must be out tonight," mused Luxord. "...Oh wait, the moon is always out."

He promptly went into Xemnas's office.

_Meanwhile, across that darn ol' street..._

"Take your medicine!!" yelled Axel, trying to force a spoon of cough syrup into Demyx's mouth, like a child.

Demyx shook his head and refused to let the spoon in, like a child, and ran away. Axel, only the coolest guy in the whole universe, chased after him.

AXEL used QUICK ATTACK. The attack missed!

Then Demyx ran in his room and hid under his blankie with his Moogle plushie, like a retarded jerkass.

"Who said anything about a retarded jerkass?" asked that retarded jerkass Pete, walking into his room.

Axel killed them both, especially Pete, and killed himself out of angst and his love for Roxas.

_Meanwhile, in Chilltown's private study..._

"Are you actually going to post that?" asked Luxord, shocked at what he just read.

Chilltown leaned back in his chair, satisfied after writing the entire chapter with only a quill and ink. Donald Duck sat in the corner of the room, feathers plucked from his rear end.

"Yep, sure am!"

"Including your self-insertion?"

"...Yeah?"

Luxord died a little on the inside.

**END OF CHAPTER**


End file.
